Anyone else's laundry pile look like mine? Every time I turn around I think it grows exponentially. We've got four stacks of underwear, four piles of mismatched socks, towers of dresses, skirts, pants with zippers, pants without zippers, sleeveless tops, pjs, tee shirts, collared shirts, school shirts... and somehow we're supposed to organize all this (when it all gets undone anyway, with one swipe of Monster Susie... or the kids' feeble attempts to carry these "organized piles" up the stairs and into their room without dropping and unfolding a single piece?? Yeah, right.) It's a game of orderly chaos, constant catch-up. With a mountainous view.
Life has pretty much been like that for me lately. If running this business has shown me one thing, it's that I have chosen to step into another, never-ending job. Going back to "work" is not really the right terminology. If I could actually "work" without screaming children whomping and screaming while they build their ziplines around me... If I could sit at the computer to do some graphics without Susie and Jeremy fighting to sit in my lap and push all the buttons... then maybe I could actually get some "work" done! So that's been my biggest frustration - I have SO MUCH that I WANT to do, but I simply can't get to it. There are teeth to brush, diapers to change, spills to clean, piano charts to diligently fill, lessons, sports, and meals meals meals (oh, Trader Joe's, how I have loved you so).
Want a glimpse of my mountain for DressWell GiveWell? Let's see... business cards, photography, designing graphics, ordering supplies, vetting various agencies, follow-up with several contacts (way behind on that), keeping up with social media, newsletter, juggling emails, creating spreadsheets, tax docs & income disparities, and prepping for the big online launch in a week. Oh, and did I mention there's another mountain of (new, beautiful, amazing) clothes in another room - dying for my attention? It's like an enormous puzzle, and I'm not allowed to touch all the pieces (Well, maybe I can only touch two per day). Must. Breathe.
I HAVE to come back to my WHY. I have to know why this is worth losing sleep, not exercising, exhausting my everything. I'm hoping things will "normalize" once the kids are in school (and I'm committing to return to my normal routine - yes I know I need to take care of myself!) But in the thick of it, I know God works in the mess. There's nothing neat and pretty and linear about how He wants us to live our lives. We simply don't grow in the comfortable. So this year, I've decided to take a risk and GO FOR IT. If I fail, it's okay. If I lose money, it's okay. If my pride is shot (gulp), it's okay. My shortcomings remind me again that this business is not about me or my abilities, or what I can accomplish, but rather simply about serving and giving.
And in that, I can finally... rest.